Breaking Up is Hard to Do


A few tips to get you through by Jennifer Eden


Breakups can take many forms. From ending a long-term relationship with full-blown future plans to losing a consistent casual sex partner with an A+ head game, the severing of ties in any capacity can leave you in a mess of emotions. Figuring out what to do and where to go can be difficult...

...but we got you, haux!

Here are a few things you can do to ease the pain, fill the space, or supplement the orgasms.

1. Treat yo'self!

Take yourself on a date. Check out a movie. Explore a museum. Eat at a fancy restaurant. Hey, it's just you, so splurge a little. Get an UberXL for your damn self! Order the lobster. And dessert. Who gon' check you? Table for one, please. Be an extravagant haux.

2. Masturbate

Go on over to Sugar, Comfort Zone, or your favorite adult novelty shop and buy yourself a new toy. Or, if you're a more discreet haux, place an online order and a stalk your local postal worker until it arrives.

Rediscover what makes you feel good. Learn new ways to make yourself cum. Set a mood. Light some candles. Tease yourself. Make a playlist. You deserve all the special shit you were doing for that former lover. 

3. Invest in your friendships

Spend time nurturing your non-romantic relationships. If you were consumed by your previous partnership, chances are your friends miss you. Be intentional about reconnecting with them. Let them know that you value them. If you don't have a solid friend group, now's a great time to establish one. That person you've seen out and about, tell them you'd like to get to know them. That person who seems really cool online, connect in person. That coworker who's been a great 9 to 5 friend, invite them out after hours. Adults can make new friends, too.

4. Online engagement

There's nothing wrong with posting a good thirst trap or two to get some attention from your Instagram or Snapchat following. The likes and heart eye emojis might help to make up for some of the attention you were getting from your former lover. Get that lighting right. Take full advantage of the timer setting on your camera. And WERK!

Thanks to the variety of dating and hookup apps currently available, it's easier than ever to meet people online. The options are pretty limitless, depending on what you're looking for. Those seeking women, femmes, and people with vaginas might turn to HER, while those looking to connect with masc folks and people with penises might turn to Jack'd or Adam for Adam. And if you're in the market for a discreet or low-maintenance relationship with someone who is already partnered, Ashley Madison might be your resource of choice. See, options. 

5. Explore platonic intimacy

If physical touch is your love language, the idea of going without consistent affection is unfathomable. Try cuddling with a friend. Hey, depending on who your friends are, they may be open to more than cuddling. That's what the haux life is all about, after all.


Jennifer Eden is a performing poet and experienced journalist, with writings featured in Iconography the Magazine, Tagg Magazine, and Women's Elevation Magazine, to name a few, on topics ranging from fashion and pop culture to sexuality and spirituality. She uses online and real-world platforms to create intentional spaces for queer femmes to explore their sexuality and sensuality.