Balancing Act

Balancing the Needs of Self and Lovers by Androgynous Animorph

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I’m an impulsive Leo

Needless to say, balance was never really my thing. Odd way to begin a think piece on balance I know, but I learned to dive in head first long before I was taught to tread softly. It wasn’t until I started dating that balance became such a crucial teacher (and a rather thrilling tormenter might I add).

We All Have Needs…

Lovers often get reduced to what they can provide instead of who they are as individuals. Let me say this though: no one person’s needs are more valid than the next. Unfortunately when it came to my needs being met, I expected my lovers to constantly supply me. This put the stress of unrealistic expectations upon our connections/relationships.

What about them? Were their needs being met just as frequently?

As Within, So Without…

After going through relationships faster than swipes on tinder, it dawned upon me that I wasn’t giving myself what I needed. instead I was too busy projecting  self-expectations onto my lovers. What I needed had very little to do with them, I simply wanted them to give me what I thought I needed because I was conditioned to think that’s what they were supposed to do, but this haux definitely learned a thing or two.

I realized that my desires could be acquired, but my needs must be cultivated from within. I didn’t need attention, I wanted it. I didn’t need affection, I wanted it. Separating my needs from my wants was some kind of work, but it was very necessary.

I Said What I Said…

Needless to say: COMMUNICATION is KEY. Talking to my lovers about what they perceive as their own desires and needs has been a wonderful way of learning how I can give them what  they desire while they in turn cultivate what is needed. Being honest about what I have the space to fully receive and ability to give has been transformational.

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The Art of Balancing…

  1. Be honest with yourself  and your lovers about what you desire and need.

  2. Be aware of how you express your desires and/or needs to your lovers.

  3. Encourage your lovers to do the same.

  4. Recognize that self-care is not selfish. If you feel your lover is being too demanding and/or neglectful, you have EVERY right to protect your energy and restore your own balance.

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“I can’t give you what you need… only be who you need.” - Androgynous Animorph


Edited by Jennifer Eden (@slutofthemonth)