Balancing the Needs of Self and Lovers by Androgynous Animorph
I’m an impulsive Leo…
Needless to say, balance was never really my thing. Odd way to begin a think piece on balance I know, but I learned to dive in head first long before I was taught to tread softly. It wasn’t until I started dating that balance became such a crucial teacher (and a rather thrilling tormenter might I add).
We All Have Needs…
Lovers often get reduced to what they can provide instead of who they are as individuals. Let me say this though: no one person’s needs are more valid than the next. Unfortunately when it came to my needs being met, I expected my lovers to constantly supply me. This put the stress of unrealistic expectations upon our connections/relationships.
What about them? Were their needs being met just as frequently?
As Within, So Without…
After going through relationships faster than swipes on tinder, it dawned upon me that I wasn’t giving myself what I needed. instead I was too busy projecting self-expectations onto my lovers. What I needed had very little to do with them, I simply wanted them to give me what I thought I needed because I was conditioned to think that’s what they were supposed to do, but this haux definitely learned a thing or two.
I realized that my desires could be acquired, but my needs must be cultivated from within. I didn’t need attention, I wanted it. I didn’t need affection, I wanted it. Separating my needs from my wants was some kind of work, but it was very necessary.
I Said What I Said…
Needless to say: COMMUNICATION is KEY. Talking to my lovers about what they perceive as their own desires and needs has been a wonderful way of learning how I can give them what they desire while they in turn cultivate what is needed. Being honest about what I have the space to fully receive and ability to give has been transformational.
The Art of Balancing…
Be honest with yourself and your lovers about what you desire and need.
Be aware of how you express your desires and/or needs to your lovers.
Encourage your lovers to do the same.
Recognize that self-care is not selfish. If you feel your lover is being too demanding and/or neglectful, you have EVERY right to protect your energy and restore your own balance.
“I can’t give you what you need… only be who you need.” - Androgynous Animorph
Edited by Jennifer Eden (@slutofthemonth)